Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
it's kind of slutty but what the hell, so are we
She set fire to my carpet trying to power-dry puke covered cigs with Josh's blowtorch. How she found it in the garage is beyond me but if you bring her with you again I'll shoot you myself.
stop calling me dude. finger blasting me officially kills you being able to call me dude.
he was once again the drunkest girl at the party
Meeting his dad and brother for the first time at the jail while I'm bailing him out ISN'T exactly how I pictured this relationship going....
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
I plan on drinking enough to kill at least 2 frat boys and make an aa meeting weep for joy
All I know is that every time I looked at my glass it was full again and I thought it would be rude not to drink it
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
Would it kill us to punctuate. That last text took me 5 min to read
How did you end up breaking into that laundromat at 3am? I saw the snapchat but like..... How?
MY GUT IS TELLING ME YES AND SO IS MY VAGINA
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