just so you know, the whole club saw your tits last night. and booed.
he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
this is like her 8th guy since december, is she wasn't frumpy people would call her a whore
he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
Seriously, let me lead the intervention, my parents did like three with me. I know how it works.
According to the stories I've heard I decided I was a stuntman after my 6th shot of Jack
3 a.m. laundry plus 100 proof peppermint schnapps does not turn out well. Not only is there a puddle of detergent outside the laundry room that I spilled, but my clothes were found in the dryer wit a box of Franzia and a 40. Good thing I was too drunk to turn it on.
Michelle asked what I was wearing tonight. I responded with a g-string and plastic wrap. I've gotten no response since.
I was cracked out naked on a toilet pretending I was posing for playboy.. Shit got weird, but apparently I had a good bday.
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
I told my grandmother all I want is a nice guy who likes to be tied up.
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
Can you masturbate to someone liking your instagram picture?
You're incredible, and I'm drunk
Randomize
