Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
Just smoked a bowl with the exterminator. I think my day is more productive.
Dont forget the glove box taco bell stash i saved for drunk us.
I think we should get high on adderall and nair each other again for New years.
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
Will you judge me if i do shots in my basement closet first? No? Okay good
We're like a dynamic duo.
Bisexual and Proud, Lesbian and Loud.
He spent like 5 minutes figuring out how best to position me so I would still be able to watch the game. Maybe there is a benefit to dating a guy who cares about me but doesn't care about my team.
Pretty sure this is the part where you go buy a ring.
just got a call from a life insurance sellsperson and apparently our xany dealer referenced us. not cool thats breaking the 4th wall
for once I'd like a one night stand where I don't meet the guys mom or wife in the morning
he accidentally put it in my ass, i liked it but didn't tell him that and "accidentally" took his weed.
Her blow jobs are legen wait for it seriously like 9 people I know brag about them dary
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
Ya i'm marrying the man who can hear/smell this level of flatulence and stick around
I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
Randomize
