She's JV to your varsity
my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
I said ACK before Andy Samberg made it even remotely funny. That tool is stealing all my lines.
Yeah, you've definitely been jizzing in your pants years before he made it socially acceptable
I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
i just got arrested. apparently dont move means dont move.
Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
just dropped my bong into 7 pieces, and carried the glass shards around my house. dad saw the blood dripping down my arms, and asked if i slit my wrists. way too high to laugh at this.
I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
Honestly, It follows the same rules as Cock Roulette.
He should just accept that I want his dick and his friendship. Can't he understand that I don't do emotions?
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
He called me dainty, then fucked me like the Viking God he is.
I got really stoned and got my certification as an ordained minister. How productive has your day been?
Randomize
