he used the word "rubber" i just couldn't do it after that.
I put cups full of chips next to every bed, couch, and toilet so that everyone could have a snack when they woke up....
a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
She was blacklisted from the Uhaul center...what the fuck do you have to do to get blacklisted from a Uhaul center
There's a good chance a guy sucked off my right earring last night
you should be careful. everyone knows your chances of pregnancy increase by 100 percent when youre the daughter of a religious figure
We are stranded. Come find us. Bring an egg
Hey do you have any hot friends that would settle for less?
You know I'm dangerous when I have make-out withdrawals
Last night was incredible. I can tell by the nacho cheese on my jacket
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
I guess what I'm trying to get to is that my dog sneezed on my dick earlier and its really taken the joy out of my evening.
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
I love you, but seriously, that was way too long a thesis on an Arby’s curly fry being wrapped around schlong!
Randomize
