I couldn't accept the bj. My penis has done nothing wrong and didn't deserve the punishment of her face.
making my second box of kraft dinner for the day. thinking about telling him how much you cheat on him so that you end up having to spend valentines day with me. i'm sorry its every man for himself.
GOOD NIGHT DREAM OF ALCOHOL SNO CONES
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
Bro. Some kids just drive-by judged the shit outta me.
I'm just gonna get real fat and join the circus.
we found him passed out on the baseball field with two 40oz and wearing a tophat.
Where did he get the tophat?
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
My one night stand from last night is currently mowing my lawn for me.
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
ABOUT TO MAKE THE BIGGEST MISTAKE OF MY LIFE, SEND HELP
Have fun and good luck.
I don't know where I'm at. But I'm pretty sure what I'm looking at is a small bear.
Randomize
