My family just suggested tequila shots. I had Vietnam style flashbacks.
Just facebooked the guy whose name you're yelling in there. So you're aware, his interests include "swearing at babies" and "Ice luge"
She keeps referring to it as an "us" Either she is seriously mistaken on what fuck buddies are or she learned another meaning of the word "us"
Joe decreed the livingroom and the hallway up to the burn mark his kingdom. I think this is the point of 'stage an intervention'
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
Listen. You seriously only live once... there aren't that many cinco de mayos left until someone knocks u up and u have to have a shotgun wedding. Man up.
Come part with me. By you sleep! No fun. Idek feelings Sorry for your life.
The maid moved your bed and found almost 40 used condoms and wrappers. She just looks at me and says "Dave?"
I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
Idk man there's lots of bad dick but even a bad cookie is still pretty good
Yesterday I went home with one shoe, today I go home with three. Fucking win.
Thanks a lot dude. I'm grateful to you for your gift of pure piss.
I've been getting a lot of emails from patron lately for being a great customer. Is that awesome, or should I start thinking about seeking help?
it looks like a nuclear can of fuck blew up in here
I got really worried when i woke up and there weren't any missed booty calls from him between 3 and 5 am. Apparently his gf is in town ...
Randomize
