No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
I cannot convey how much I really do love Chris Hansen. FYI: he is the JC Chasez of my adult years.
he asked if he could put his cape on while he was still inside me.
She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you.
You know your high, when your chugging applesauce out of the jar with no utensils.
I seriously just drove by a man walking down the street wearing hospital scrubs, an 80s track jacket, gold necklace and carrying a flute.
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
I just had to call my mom to come pick me up stoned at a Lana's house and beg her to buy me Taco Bell. I'm graduating from college in 14 hours. Fuck
Well I shit myself on the way home from work today so there's that...
Dude she smelled like bar-b-que sauce. I can't think of anything better.
My parents get here at 6 so I have to make it look like a sober virgin lives in my room by 5.
I would just like to say that I was the one who said that we should find scissors, when they were cutting your hair with a kitchen knife. I am responsible.
I still feel bad for it, even though I technically only videotaped it and helped will to distract the questioning neighbor
Randomize
