Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
I face planted right in front of a cop. He looked at me, shook his head, mumbled "freshman" under his breath, helped me up and told us to get home safely. I love college.
I showed that dick picture that your date texted you to everyone because you passed out and left your phone unattended. Your fault. Plus his cock was big so his fault too.
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
It wasnt until i started dancing that i realized i pissed myself dude. I dont think shes gonna call me back.
well that's what you get for sleeping with a guy called 'the defiler'
HE'S LIKE A GREEK GOD BUT HE'S FROM BOSTON. HE'S A BOSTON GOD
pray to him
I WANNA PRAY ON HIS DICK
I'm not trying to take your husband away from you, but can we have another 3way soon? I'm just desperate for good dick.
You know that gay bartender? Not as gay as we thought.....
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
I just group texted a dick pic. Wonder who'll respond back first. Ashley Stacey or my stepmom
He just kept repeating "It was like meep meep meep on my balls."
He's the one named Andrew. In his profile picture he is the one on the right in the monkey costume.
Randomize
