so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
just to let you know, its not cheating if i cant feel my hands.
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
I have a question: does pizza dipped in chili sound good or am I just really high?
If you invite me to a bar tonight my liver will kick you in the testicles
OMG OMG OMG DID YOU KNOW THERE ARE MINI CHOCOLATE COWBOY HATS THAT MEN CAN BUY FOR THEIR PENISES?
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
I am sending my doctor an XXXMas card thanking him for my tits!
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
As soon as we had sex he stopped opening doors for me. That wasn't an exchange. Im still a god damn princess
Awwww breaks my heart, I just wanna fix his teeth and give him a blowjob.
Burritos, beer, and hot tub sex. Merry Christmas to me.
To be clear you just said "I'll give you a baby" as a sext?
we tried to make a drinking game out of 4 pokemon cards you found in a drawer.
Wakes up in a cold sweat at 3am, 136 unread messages and the preview on the notification is "I JUST GOT TO THE INCEST PART"
Randomize
