i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
What's the protocol for seeing the two girls you've been sleeping with in the store WHILE buying condoms?
3some
You're right, stupid question.
I didn't know it was possible to make picking up dog shit look sexy.
She did the bend and snap...
My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
I wasn't expecting a boner of this magnitude
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
Moments after comforting her about her boyfriend issues I found myself in the other room showing him my tits.
Besides the one of you shaking your cock for 10sec that was one of the best snapchat's ever haha
We're too hungover to prance.
My face feels like a midget just gave birth to quintuplets
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
I brought an already opened bag of trail mix from home to snack on today. Some motherfucker ate all the m&ms out of it. I hate my roommates
This whole brainwashing thing is easy!
Randomize
