I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
Do you think royal wedding drunk calls for wine or tequila?
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
She's going to get preggers, drop out of school, and end up working at mcdonalds. Great for our mcdoubles habit but bad for her future.
my bowl and the doses are under your mom's passenger seat
repeat: THERE IS LSD AND THC IN YOUR MOM'S CAR. HELP ME HELP US AVOID FELONIES
I literally just got propositioned by a sugar daddy.
OUR DREAMS ARE BEING REALIZED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I blacked in at 6:30am on the last stop on the train with a random fedora on? And I'm pretty sure I rode in a limo last night while eating pizza
In hindsight combining orgy Thursday with mystery drink madness was begging for failure
The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
I'm watching Russian dudes pole-dance. For research.
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
Munching saltines, sippin Gatorade, and trying not to get eaten by this small horse
My boyfriend's mom is the manager of Wendy's. The same one I took a pregnancy test in.
Randomize
