even in my darkest moments, having another person eat my jizz would make me smile
dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
She's trying to master eating with her feet. She said it was be she "always has to be prepared."
Long story short, the rash from your last birthday party told me not to go to this one.
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
I drank half a bottle of wine while watching the Olympics opening ceremonies. I catcalled at handsome athletes. Stop me.
PS: I just woke up from my shower
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
i want to live in a society where a 20 year old can wear pigtails and not get them called handlebars, because i look fucking adorable in them.
i peed in the parking lot at work not even thinking, a woman saw
He wrote his entire dissertation last night. I can only imagine the frightening amount of headway he would make if he ever did things sober.
Watch out for the bush at the end of your steps. it comes out of nowhere
Just got done being naked and Mooning the cops. I'm still alive. Let's drink.
I hope that will b the last time i take off my pants in the chemistry building.
Randomize
