we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
Capitaan dildo arrescate!
epic walk of shame this morning involving 2 subway transfers. I need to start sexing locally.
just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
Pretty sure I blacked out the last 48 hours, the last thing I remember is the 4 pm bar crawl on Thurs
Can you believe they're going to let me be a doctor?
i think the beer goggles wore off after hearing the story of her 2nd abortion
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
I just want someone to put their head on my boobs and laugh at my jokes ....
Long fucking story. But hey I got an orgasm and breakfast so I'm winning.
Leaving the puke on the ceiling as a reminder.
They walked into the house to see me in my neon pink knee high socks trying to pull you out of the cat carrier by your legs...
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
I was just in the bathroom and some guy yelled all hail the king... i cant go anywhere without getting recognized anymore.
Let me call you later. I’m lining up some office dick now that working at home is ending
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