Haha dude youd die if you were here. Girl presenting is defending the new testament and did her report on JESUS. best believe i'm gonna ask some hungover, atheist ass questions
I just got hit in the face by an old lady love handle.
She came to work with 6 additional layers of make-up, playing every Nickelback song about explicit teen sex, and with a dozen twinkies she bet she could finish without chewing any. I'm investing in a rape whistle.
shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
Pretending to be straight requires way more energy than I'm willing to use in this heat.
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
His penis has a special gift of curing my broken heart
What the fuck could you be doing in that room to make her yell "Beginners Luck!" over and over again?
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
I remeber being on the roof last night and we put our heads togeather and we touched each others face and said "Hennessyyyy"
He was stoned laying on my bed singing I'm a little tea cup while I took a pregnancy test. Thank god it was negative.
if i drink i'll go into liver failure but ok
totally worth it, dude its $1 pbr
Also I will be receiving my own bra in the mail because I left it at his place, woops
Just got caught by my boss looking at porn on the work computer & he decided to utilize this time to look with me. Not sure if this is good or bad.
I'm not having sex with him if he doesn't believe in gay marriage and abortions.
Randomize
