$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
my sisters under your porch take her home
Worst hangover of my career vs the return of the blue balls. Will keep updated
frankly if you're gonna get kicked out of your place, hooking up with your gay roommate's boyfriend would be the most entertaining way to do it.
I just got this text "hi this is Julie, I met you last night in the bathroom. You asked me to text you and remind you that you ate an entire lime, because you figured your sober self in the morning would be confused."
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
We were gonna play Truth or Dare but like 10 minutes in we decided to get naked and play Dare or Get the fuck out.
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
I'll remember. Also, I owe you 200 for a pair of shoes that I carelessly bought to improve my spinal structure, to improve my health and ensure that I love to be 300 years old. Like Adam. Of the bible.
I've been watching porn with my cat lately. No shame
Literally had sex in his grow room under a plant.. ganja queen .
Did I tell you he put a lobster carcass on his dick?
Eaten today: granola bar, pumpkin donut, and fritos. Oh, college nutrition.
Randomize
