something must definitely be wrong with me if i'm chasing after a guy who cant even get it up
ya i looked horrible drunk and pregnant isn't a good combination
I stole a road cone for their 13 yr old son. Apparently I told him to put Christmas lights on it, and "treat her like a lady."
All I heard was "You have collect call from Lafayette Parish Jail for Dude it was awesome! I'll tell you about it later!"
I just got a Community College debit card in the mail. My failure has been materialized.
I can't believe you just became a stipulation in their divorce papers.
Get out here. Doing shots with the delivery guy. Also, the food is here
Woke up w/ the same freshman as last Saturday but we were sober this time. Is that a relationship?
It was total unicorn galloping on a fucking rainbow awesome.
Clearly it doesn't get better with age. Just more sexual
I am pretty sure we beat baby seals over the head in a past life. That is why we are being punished.
Listen I just pulled white girl hair out of my underwear. This has got to stop. I was wearing pants all night.
I mixed Jack with hot chocolate. This may be the best or worst idea ever. I have yet to find that out
Please tell your sister I apologize about saying her baby may have beef curtains. That was inappropriate.
Sooooooo this guy just asked me if I'd be interested in a threesome... I'm considering bc I would get to hang out with his dog afterwards.
Randomize
