I no longer want to be the gay that plays in the revolving door at RelationshipDale's like a seven year old with a.d.d.
Soo both my 8 year old sister and fuck buddy are named Sarah..
this can't be going anywhere good
nooope. guess which one i texted last nite to come over so i could "punish her pussy"? =\
I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
ugh the "ive seen you naked on the internet" look is really getting tiring
We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.
On ecstasy, in Ikea. this is incredible.
we banged on the home plate. i wasnt even aware of the significance of where we were until afterwards hahaha
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
It's like God was speaking to me through a penis.
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
A homeless man walked up to me at the bar, pointed, and told me to get my shit together. Jesus?
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
He started french braiding my hair while I was blowing him. The question is not why, but how.
I 100% barfed while bumping the DMX remix of reading rainbow
Randomize
