forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
just realized i can abbreviate thomas paine as t pain in poli theory class notes....YES
Not even close. I woke up in the bed of Codys truck. Wrapped up in a sleeping bed, using a stuffed alligator as a pillow. And Alex was laying naked beside me. Not to mention I wasn't wearing the clothes I got there in.
just had an awkward elevator run in with that guy you puked on
Throwing up in his bed is not a step up in your relationship
The hot tub didn't work. But it's okay because we discovered just how many people you can fit in a bathtub.
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
I don't know about this Sanders guy after all. I'm voting for MYSTERY BABYLON, WHORE OF ALL THE EARTH
Hillary?
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?
You said too many real things and now I need to crawl back inside my protective fort of sarcasm, being an asshole, and sass
Ughh I think I'll just sit here in the dark and wallow in self-pity while drinking wine and knitting scarves for my future cats.
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
saying im screwed is like saying the titanic took on a little water.
Randomize
