i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
bought some hannah montana deodorant. hope it doesnt make me smell untalented
You're gonna judge me.
Howd you sleep with him already
Going to the u of w I constantly have that moment of, oh hey I felt you up at that rave at folk fest that one time. Winnipeg is too small.
he drank all my beer while i was at work and passed out on my couch, when i got home he was out cold and my room mates pig was licking him. they seemed peaceful, so i took 20 bucks from his wallet and left again.
As soon as the clock wound down to zero, she declared "HALF-TIME HEAD" and pulled down my pants. After the swallow, she said "BEER CHASER," got me a new one, and asked if she could make me a sandwich. Pretty sure she's lobbying hard for a ring.
we just drove past a kid stuck in a tree what a wonderful time to be alive
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
Would you accept a fantastic blowjob as payment?
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
I love him about as much as I'd love fucking myself with a cactus.
He sent me a pic and then I suffered dick amnesia about the rest of that
Yeah, so if you ever try to steal it, just know my tongue's been on it in several occasions. All over it.
all i'm saying is don't blame me if your purses are filled with whoppers
are we talking malt balls or BK?
The strippers who live across the street set up a decently professional stage on their front balcony and a banner for a go fund me... I think we're gonna get a show.
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