I don't think ill make it tonight the floor wont let me walk
I just woke up. In the port-o-potty next to our tailgate. an hour after the game started. explain.
so he tried marking my clit with a sharpie so he could "find it again next time".
vagina is talking i cant
Had to make a piece of abstract art. Your dick is in it
If you're fucking that other dude, I'll take the sloppy seconds. I don't care.
Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
candyland with pharmaceuticals ... what could go wrong
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
and i do believe that will be the last time you send me a photograph of our mother in her underwear.
We went to Olive Garden so high we didn't talk and managed to be awkward enough for the waiter to ask if it was our first date
We're the worst. Two people without their shit together do not make a functional adult.
I just wanna be euthanized
Thas it
So, i might have left my morals back in 2011.
Randomize
