I realized that I've made out with a different boy almost every time we've gone to mcgoreys....I don't need a boyfriend...I have that bar
Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
Just remember that she is a giant dick-sucking forehead and you are better than that.
come help me. im curled up in the fetal position on the upper floor of the lib. please bring more caffeine or alcohol
its ok. its hell week the lib is a no judgment zone right now
I standby a snuggie being perfectly acceptable attire for drunkenly walking your dog at 5am. Our new neighbors did not seem to agree.
OH MY GOD DO YOU REMEMBER WISHBONE? DO YOU REMEMBER THAT LITTLE BITCH? WHAT'S THE STORY WISHBONE
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
You haven't lived until you've thrown up naked in a hotel room in Fargo while holding your breasts so they don't touch the toilet bowl.
Is it sad that I planned a a romantic trip to dunkin donuts for and with myself on Saturday, then added an equally romantic after midnight stroll through the half off candy sale? I find that worthy of adding a few cats to my collection agree?
They're the one who can profit the most when given the opportunity for blackmail.
At least that's how I've always seen it whenever I've been the Designated Driver.
That simultaneously explains everything and makes me very very terrified of you.
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
So you thought it was a good idea to make plans for the same time same place with the guy you were sort of dating AND his best friend you slept with?
Randomize
