i think he saw me take a picture of his dick
The slot machines are wishing me happy birthday. Mission success.
We had a pillow fight. It looks like an angel exploded here. A DRUNK ALCOHOLIC ANGEL
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
Drinking vodka straight from my water bottle because of the debate. I just need to forget.
Too many penises have met your hands. Stop or die.
somehow I feel like "adventures with cocaine and molly" wouldn't be an appropriate "How I Spent My Spring Break" essay topic.
I feel like im becoming the girl who only drunk texts him. I would be in the dog house, if situations like this had dog houses.
There is a direct correlation between gooch size and male fertility. Science.
classified somewhere between kinky and medically inadvisable
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
Just woke up from an extremely erotic dream featuring Steve Buscemi. Now I can't sleep.
For a guy who won't fuck me, your dick is out a lot when we talk.
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