i fucked her mom dude
there's something to tell the kids
Valium party in the driveway. Attendance: 1. Don't make me do this alone.
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
How is it possible that i have sex with a guy and he makes YOU breakfast
Just sucked my third dick in the past twelve hours. I must want AIDS.
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
you stumbled up the stairs in your heels, pulled 23 one-dollar bills out of your bra and then went and puked in the toilet. didnt say a single thing to me the whole time
Yea we had fun. Lost my wallet some girl has it. Sarah fell asleep in a cab and ended up at some wawa. It was cray. She's home now
He knocked me in the face with the phone during my light show. Didn't even feel it. Ecstasy is amazing
Only thing that feels right is being horizontal in the fetal position
Don't come back. They don't have pants.
Oh god.
God has nothing to do with this.
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
I'm going to target high, just in case I ask you where my paycheck went later
Pretty sure he proposed because my house is awesome. His ass is a ten and he's offering to pay more than half the bills... How expensive is a divorce really? I mean I could probably put up with him for three or four years but a lifetime is a big ask.
Randomize
