Do you know that poor pathetic girl that we should be friends with
you told everyone your name was brenda and you had the whole party chanting b-dawgg by the end of the night. successful.
I woke up to ritz crackers on the lawn, a keystone behind the hedge and puke on the rental car... i think that we have become that house...
I've only been home four days and my parents' cleaning lady already wrote down the number to AA and told me she's praying for me.
Dude he was a used car salesman for his friends' penises. I know I have something here that's right for you!
You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
I feel like my nipples were chewed on by alligators.
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
multiple people will be seeing my nips tonight. not mad about it at all
It's called hot rabbit the party if he asks the password is "careful" don't ask
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
Hey remind me the get the pancakes out of my jacket
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
He stopped mid sex to say he was sorry that he couldn't make us work.continued. Stopped again to ask if it was crazy that he loved me.
That is not what no strings attached sex is about.
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
Randomize
