Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
i just heard the ice cream truck outside while mid-masturbation. i stopped and considered running outside to buy one.
Bad news is im a slut again. Good news is its with people ive been a slut with before.
Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
we ended up doing shots out of those medicine cups..swine flu finally did something good for me
After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
They just both started mumbling "i cant go home like this" "it's all over my face" "do you have extra pants?"
Spending my graduation money on an abortion. Welcome to the real world.
Shit. We're going to have to drink until they're cute
Hello cirrhosis
raced the clock twice to day to see if i could get off before my computer died and before i left for my noon bar crawl... win, win
lets go back to having secrets in our friendship
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
Being at this stripclub only reinforces how single I am. And I was *just* becoming okay with that.
just found out that my aunt grows weed. today is a good day to be me.
Ya’ll! My debit card got switched with my boss’ at lunch today (both Red Wells Fargo)....I realized it at whole foods AFTER I ran it for $100 at Vanity Room getting my vaj waxed 🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️. Most awkward IOU ever tomorrow.
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
Randomize
