i'm stoned. there's a jazz trio playing outside across the street...scared that mike myers will appear & start yelling 'woman...WHOA MAN. WHOOOA MAN.' i'm snapping my fingers.
After he finished I threw up my arms and shouted STEVE HOLT!
I see an opportunity for you to use your nakedness to cure my boredom.
I just followed up on a noise complaint...only to find 2 girls in bikinis covered in jello with beer cans everywhere. I couldn't bring myself to bust that party.
I want to be a cop.
Just saw a man in a wheel chair using his feet to push himself backwards through a crosswalk... good morning Atlanta
I just heard an old guy ask the chick he was with if she wanted to try ass to mouth...
thanks for that.
My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
We're doing the donut challenge later. How many can we fit on his erect penis. Needless to say we get along well.
The house is trashed, there is porn scattered everywhere like an easter egg hunt and the blow up doll is sleeping on the couch downstairs. someone covered her up.
But it's not about our feelings, it's about making the men we sleep with feel awful about their lives
Do you ever actually plan things? Or is it always drugs then whatever happens? I'm considering being worried about you
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
I hate drunk me more than anyone else in this world
He's like a Lana del Rey song that took human form
Randomize
