You don't have asthma, your pregnant
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
I did the mature thing and subtweeted that bitch. She follows me so she'll see.
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
She said our goal is to fuck in every bathroom at the reception which is at a country club. I will have the best wedding date ever! Were 4 for 4 in public.
I wish I cared about making my vagina as presentable as you do.
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
He drunkenly stumbled over to me and told me my "crotch looks spectacular tonight"..... i think this could work
I had forgotten what new underwear feels like. It's as if angels descended from heaven for the sole purpose of supporting my junk.
Wasted. And I have 5 pounds of potatoes that I'm responsible for.
It shouldn't be this hard to find someone who you haven't blown.
Go shave, and then go fuck the man
YOU ARE SO CRUDE, I LOVE YOU
Randomize
