just saw an old couple make out...not too sure how I feel about it. though I will admit at one point I was thinking "oh yeah! get that!"
Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
it was a 10 min screaming orgasm. i don't care that you were next door and didn't appreciate all the noise.
Guess who won bingo at the senior center and is going to jail all in the same night?
We ran out of wine so we are trying the absinthe you brought over from Spain like 3 years ago. Please call me at noon tomorrow. If we die, its your fault
For u too. Could be years before u have a finger in ur ass
We bonded over the fact that we each, separately, got arrested on the same weekend.
You got called a pussy at a party with a slow cooker, you can't let that shit slide
That was a very uncomfortable conversation to have without pants on. But his mom was pretty cool about it.
Sitting in bed reading a porn novel off my phone and accidentally just made Siri start reading the most graphic part aloud. FUN FIRST NIGHT WITH THE NEW ROOMIE.
You puked on yourself, then demanded to take shower. In which you kept saying "its raining"
Now that it's fall I have to prepare for the imminent arrival of ripped up sweatpants shoved into folded over sequined uggs
Well I want to be mistreated and called a slut and finger banged
But I guess hugs would be nice
Nothing says happy Monday quite like coffee and oral sex.
i think i passed out for a few seconds while we were having sex but he didnt notice...
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