if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
Woke up in an unfamiliar basement in a sleeping bag with Matt to a police officer shining his flashlight in my eyes and asking me my birth date and social security number. My morning went swimmingly.
I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
Showering in the handicapped shower. Im THAT hungover.
Don't worry that pussy is fresh, I'd brush my teeth with it.
If you wondered to yourself today, "did Sarah break her bathing suit strap and flash a pool full of children," the answer is yes.
He straight up just had me drive all the way here and when I got here he was drinking a cup of tea and right after said he needed to go to bed
My landlord showed my apartment to a prospective tenant today and I had my vibrator and gun both chilling on my nightstand
I need to get a job that holds me accountable for something. Otherwise I wake upon Monday wondering when the booze store opens and if I still have a boyfriend.
I told her I was dressed as a gag reflex judge.....she won, literally hands down.
I just sneezed glitter I JUST SNEEZED G LITTER I j u st SneeZED GLIT TER I DO NOT HAVE TIME FOR THIS AT ALL.
I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"
It's a classy one I promise! Their toilets are cushioned an tier wifi is named hummingbird
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