How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
You get to witness red pubes. I'm almost jealous. That's like my dream.
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
I don't think he realizes it but he was stroking the faucet while he was talking to me.
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
You have to wear the princess leia gold bikini every Sunday
I figure hes like disneyworld. You know youre only going once or twice in life. Might as well have fun and ride the rides
I can't tell if the dead thing in the yard is a deer or the guy I slept with last night...
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
my goal for the rest of college is to escape STD free. fuck getting a job. this is more important.
Stop calling me, Mom. I'm in his closet. You're gonna blow my cover and I'm about to catch this lying SOB.
I have a bunch of bug bites on my ass... This is why you don't have sex against a tree in the woods
Ok, not to minimize the significance of that beautiful anecdote from your childhood, but here's a video of my penis.
He stuck a cigarette in my butt last night. There is no coming back from that.
Randomize
