Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
she was giving me head and that cheryl crow 'youre favorite mistake' song came on. she looks up and all i could do was nod
It's shedding
I told you penises don't tan
Even though he was watching you pee on his bedroom floor, you kept denying it and saying he was dreaming
Meh. People are people bro. All of us are hairless psychotic apes. Happy 420.
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
One day I'm gonna have to send my roommate a "sorry I got high and forgot you were in the room and masturbated next to you" fruit basket
Put a Santa hat on my junk. He's wants to be festive too.
Knowing how to carefully mix my vices has to be the #1 skill I've gotten from pharmacy school
CAPS.LOCK.AND.SPACEBAR.ARE.BROKEN.
You were out of control then you fell asleep on his lap for 30 min and woke up civil. Way to powernap to sobriety!
I woke up wearing nothing but my red thigh high socks and a blue wig. I have no idea what happened.
Leave it to my mom and I to turn the hearing into a drinking game.
Randomize
