If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
"Worlds Wildest Videos" should be called "Crazy White People"
I think you blew our chances when you yelled "YOU SLUTS COMING TO THE TITTIE BAR?" in their face
She gained 35 lbs and has an ankle bracelet, time for new booty call.
Wow, nothing is more special than changing the channel and seeing the guy who groped you on Saturday night...
It takes a special kind of Adderall to make me go to the hardware store, buy paint, and paint tiny polka-dots on all four of my bedroom walls.
Literally got mad at him this morning because we didn't have time to have sex for a third time. I think I'm getting greedy.
I can't have my last hookup before 21 have been behind a dumpster
he bit THROUGH my nipple
plus side, no need to pay for a piercing.
We drank vodka and koolaid through a traffic cone. It got rowdy.
She just asked me if I was going to stay the night. I responded "I know that we are upside down".
Testing the emergency boobs hotline
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
Wanna guess where my charger was last night.....in my cooler with my beer. I put it in there because I knew I would never forget my beer.
I just saw a guy in a zippo shirt buy 2 gallons of fire starter fluid and then proceed to smoke a cigarette. I feel like hes got some big plans for his tuesday.
Randomize
