i just heard my neighbor say from outside my window "i don't give a shit what he does, what the hell am i gonna do with my son's penis?"
I almost didn't wake up for my first day of work. The 3rd bottle of champagne was a mistake. And the 2nd bottle of wine after that was probably excessive
the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
Just saw an old man buy two cases of keystone light, a case of milwaukee's best and a case of icehouse. Degenerate alcoholic of senior citizen of the year?
I'm so glad i pay social security
He had the smallest penis i'd ever seen. I can see why he drinks his life away.
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
Sorry I sent so many blank messages. My hands are slippery. Don't ask why.
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
I just saw a stripper light her nipples on fire. Im terrified and impressed all at the same time
he said he was going grocery shopping but when he came back all he had was a jumbo bag of pancake mix and case of beer.
the essentials, lol
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
I just spent 12 consecutive hours in the same outfit and none of it was pajamas. If that's not personal growth, I don't know what is.
i peed in the parking lot at work not even thinking, a woman saw
How much of a thot would I be if I put this pic up? On a scale of thot-ish to Queen of Thotlandia
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