Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
I learned much from the teen babysitter: I can light a cigarette in a microwave.
I wonder if those guys know that i know that is a halfway house and dont just think it is some cool older guy frat house.
No, when he said that he wished he had my eyebrows, THATS when I knew he was gay.
ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
We were playing flip cup on the nice dining room table. Losing team had to shamwow the table in between rounds
I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
you are never too drunk for berry picking
There just aren't enough words in the English language to convey my deep and abiding love of your cock. So I am beefing up on my Portuguese.
My wife ladies and gentlemen! Love ya babe.
I'm just gonna stay I'm bed where it is warm and cozy and nobody knows me as the girl that puked on a stripper
Hi I haven't talked to you since you bought legal marijuana-are you still stoned?
someone just got arrested on campus...
holy fuck look at all that cocaine
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
Do you realize we were driving someone else’s car and I was holding the wheel while you were driving and sucking my dick. That’s NOT normal
Randomize
