my girlfriends now gay ex-boyfriend kissed me. tell maddie i can't hangout today
walk of shame with early morning football tailgaters. niice.
So i do have strep. My apologies to the british guy from this weekend. You now have one more reason to hate america
Ssssssssssshhhhhhhhhhhiiiiiiii!iiiiiiiiiitttttttttttttttssssssssssssshhhhhhhhooooooooowwwwwww. Letters for emphaSSIIISISEEEE!
I know. I know. The man who pulled me from my mother's womb was the same man who had his fingers in my vagina today. My life is a joke. I don't know how to feel about this.
Ummmmm okay let's be incredibly straightforward. Hi there. My bed's at half capacity this evening. How'd you like to fill it up?
It's still to early in our relationship to tell her I was sleeping in my car
i want us to warm up up with us making out while i lay you down touching and feeling all the spots you know are going to get you warmed up. im gonna move down your body kissing every inch as i move down past your panty line ;)
Did you watch the carolina game tonight?
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
I remember saying your puke looked like a jellyfish and you got very offended.
How would your parents feel if we installed a sex swing?
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
when i woke up with 300+ messages I didn't except them to be about coyotes and burning shoes.
Completely unrelated and mildly related, a guy I hooked up with last year in a threeway died, his obit photo was his Grindr photo
I woke up with a chicken in my yard
Do you not remember hopping the fence into a chicken coop and screaming "choot em'"like you were on swamp people?
No recollection, can you come help me shut this thing up
Randomize
