You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
thanks for stopping by when you did. making a meatball quesadilla while high was a bad choice
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
Its like they don't get that I only talk to them before homecoming, thanksgiving, or any other time I go home. I love highschool girls.
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
I may have just flashed my roommate as he walked in while my towel was falling. Now he knows what an American sized penis looks like I suppose
Haha at least the one I have like that you can't tell we are completely drunk and you're about to kick a glass out of my hand in a fit of joy over pizza.
But college guys get to crossfade so there's that
No idea what that is
Like getting bent? When you drink and smoke together...
I'm 30 stop using your cool kids words
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
Sometimes I just want to kiss you without you pulling ur cock out and waving it at me
You're talking to someone who was 80% serious about breaking into someone's house and leaving a cat there with our names in a heart tag on its collar
This is the fifth time tonight that girl has taken off my pants. Take me home. Now.
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
The same idiot-bubble, now just bigger and louder.
Randomize
