I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
Bar. Show boob. Just one. Free drinks. Instant friends
Guys only need one. Little known secret. You're welcome.
I'm a fake celebrity on twitter. I need a life.
Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
would he be offended if i told him that "national coming out day" is october 11. thats subtle enough right?
He started crying and showing me pictures of his ex. she was really pretty. It's an honor to have shared a penis with her.
Believe it or not I'm actually not the only person sitting in the back of the train covered in glitter and drinking whiskey out of an arizona iced tea can. Small world.
We enjoyed our moment of partial gayness together
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
He just snapchatted me a picture of his cock. The angle makes it look like a freakin skyscraper. Thinking of photoshopping a little monkey on it.
i puked in a jesus candle last night and then denied it... i'd say it was a pretty alright night
She was cleaning herself at the bus stop. She also picked up gum off the ground and ate it
You're a brave, albeit stupid soul for wanting in on the fuckery that comes attached to my vagina
I called him my big strong man today. It's all downhill from here. Matching Christmas sweaters, here we come
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