Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
Eating alone in the dark with one candle. This is sorta sad.
So somehow I got from NYC to a suburban town in the middle of Jersey. At 4am. Thank god there are trains that can rectify my mistakes...
Just traded a samurai sword for some drugs. It's gonna be one random ass night
In the memo line of the check she wrote sexual healing.
Oh, and I'm only keeping her around till spring. Doing the hunt for cunt is too tough in 12" of snow.
Kinda sad when you get home on a Sunday morning and the paper guy HAND DELIVERS the newspaper to you...,
Today's forecast: A sex tornado warning has been issued in your area. Counties affected include your bed, your shower, or your couch. This warning is in effect until further notice. Signs of a sex tornado include: your girlfriend coming up with a huge analogy to inform you that she's ungodly horny today.
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
At this point, if I'm not getting fucked by a man in ONLY cowboy boots, it's not worth it.
This Pinterest wedding planning is a good distraction. I'm great at this, my imaginary wedding is beautiful
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
I don't want to hook up with him sober. That's pretty much like saying I love you.
Apparently when you start crushing adderall and blending them into your margaritas calling them blenderalls you have "a problem" WTF
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