people would bow to what i just did to her vagina
if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
We started making out, then he decided to get naked, put on a condom, and proceed to dry hump my leg, sweat pants and all, until he blew his load. I thought this was college. I immediatly left claiming I can't sleep in other people's rooms. He didn't even bother taking off my hoodie.
Woke up to the first three complete chapters of my new novel titled "If My Dick Could Talk" waiting for me on my laptop
I have vodka an food stamps. At some point today, that will undoubtedly turn into jello shots.
I want to meet new people and vomit on their things instead\n
The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
Attention ladies coming to the party tonight! Tonight will be another chance to win the 5 bucks for getting my cousin hard. Bring your a-game, no one has been able to overcome the whiskey dick yet. Good luck.
In preparation for st patty's day I finally had a shamrock shake, and I invested in an app that will apparently keep me from drunkenly texting you pictures of my tits this weekend. Please let me know if you want to not be put on the "forbidden" list!
I just traded ecstasy for trapeze lessons...you in?
think I signed up for a 5k last night while blackout.
I just bought us acid. I'm like the drug tooth fairy. Get ready to wake up with a sweattart of acid under your pillow.
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
No offense, but I don’t think I would want to see him in anything skimpier than a hazmat suit.
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