We videoed ourselves having sex... I now know why I close my eyes during sex
It's not called being bisexual its called making out with anyone that has a mouth
At least my shower head will respect me in the morning.
You are an asshole
haha sleeping beauty awakes.
Where did you find this costume?
To this day, he introduces me as "the girl I met climbing trees at 3 A.M."
she demanded that I make her breakfast too so im in the bathroom cooking bacon with her straightener
Do something fun then. Blow up the house or whatever.
How have you survived this long?
Dumb luck and a deal with the devil.
There's nothing worse than carrying your fairy crown and wings home wearing fishnets
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
Please warn me if you ever end up in porn, cause I don't want to stumble across that on accident, okay?
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
Oh my god there's only so much masturbating one can do before one wants to fucking cry
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
I did coke with the Royal Navy last night. God save the queen.
OH MY GOD YOU GUYS I JUST FOUND OUT I HAD PHONE SEX THE OTHER NIGHT
Randomize
