he just quoted gucci mane to try and get me to give him head.
Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
Beer coozy in the gym. Don't judge me.
i was debating whether to load antoher bowl when i realized i was holding a sandwich in one hand and a cookie in the other. and laughing.
Oh my god i hate key west. No one takes amex and strippers took all my money
Duuuuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fruuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fuuuck
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
I AM GETTING LAID TONIGHT YES HAPPY DAY PRAISE JESUS ALMIGHTY IN HEAVEN DEAR GOD CHRIST YES DADDY YAAASSS
I took my makeup off with mouthwash. Seemed like a good idea. It worked.
I'm like a saiyan, every time I get trashed I come back stronger
I need more 20 something year old penis in my life
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