Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
I admire the strength of friendship we have that allows for sharing husbands.
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
Now that I've lowered my makeout age to 21 I have a whole new sea to fish in.
Just found bud in my hair....gotta love curls
Until you wake up with a Hustler club stripper in the next room whose nipple you were coerced to lick at Snake & Jake's after breaking up a fight between an Indian and a Filipino, I don't wanna hear about your weird.
you went over to those random dudes and told them you were an ordained minister and would like to bless their food. they laughed and agreed, then you said "now bow your heads in prayer" as soon as they did you grabbed a taco off their tray and bolted out the door.
I literally just got propositioned by a sugar daddy.
OUR DREAMS ARE BEING REALIZED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
How are you going to come here and fuck on our couch ? That's everyones couch
If it's any consolation, I made really strong brownies yesterday and had 3 and then I saw demons
Her weave came out on the dance floor. She was twerking and shaking one minute and her hair flew across the dance floor the next. Great way to be introduced to the family
I know I say this every year but 2015 will be the year I finally have sex with David's sister
His dick is magical but I don't want to die in this blizzard do you see my dilemma
I told him I wanted to get on him and ride him to Montana. It didnt end like i thought it would.
well we started off by chasing vodka with chocolate milk and ended up trying to befriend a crippled raccoon so that should tell you how our night went
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