you dont publicly announce someones alcholism over facebook. you dont out someone like that.
i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
Is it ironic that the girl with the horse face is also on the equestrian team?
quit making up holidays to get me to go drinking with you
I just sold some kid a bong I made out of a vuvuzela for $50. I think I found my career path.
My living room is scattered with glow sticks wrappers, sparklers, face paint & beer cans?
It's not as cool looking when the drugs wear off, is it?
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
Sometimes I'm jealous of turtles because they can just go to their homes whenever they want by putting their heads in their bodies.
How high are you?
You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
Listen, unless you want to spend your birthday in a trunk, you better invite me
Dude, get out of Andrea's vagina and call me back
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
Never in my life have I seen a grown ass man get on all fours and attempt to buttfuck himself with the leg of a chair. I love Vegas!
its a recording of you guys having sex?!
its actually 30 minutes of him begging and then 2 minutes of sex.
Listen gotta draw the line somewhere. Apparently that line is at my nuts.
Randomize
