I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
I just found a Chris Hansen soundboard online, care to guess what I'll be doing all day?
insurance, jail, and birth control were made for people like us.
Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
i should teach a seminar on how to fall off the wagon
Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county.
You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud.
I just recognized Courtney in a crowded Trader Joe's solely by seeing her ass. In other news, I survived the first round of layoffs today.
I'm not sure which feat is more impressive...
Come over so we can have two person sex in this one person tent
The blow job award ceremony was a little much. You guys didn't need to call out what happened the night before.
What? How can you say that? You won!
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
we had to follow your trail of clothes to find you.......
the next morning his mother came in to tell me that she made breakfast. she told me to put my clothes on too. awkward.
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
Randomize
