wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
let's have our labels/stereotypes/careers for each kid by next week.
oh how i love working at summer camp.
Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
dude...I wrote 15 jersey shore quotes on her body. she is going to do the walk of shame with snookie on her forehead.
basically at this point ill snort whatever you put in front of me and just hope
Oh my god, I hid a wine bottle in my boot.
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
I apologize for violently hooking up with her in front of you in the jacuzzi last night.
Well I don't think you can suck his dick while he's making pizza. I think that goes against some health codes.
I mean your new thing is losing body parts and feeling colors so its not like we are hurting for entertainment
Just saw some lesbians get in a fistfight in an Arby's parking lot. It's good to be home.
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
I walked a mile in this weather wearing nothing but a toga. Zero fucks. Your move Mother Nature.
Go ahead without me. This chick is buying me drinks and just found out her husband is cheating on her. I think I just found the next level of revenge fucking: Scorned Trophy Wife Sex
Randomize
