pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
I just got a rly sharp new razor and was shaving down there...
and?
RIP clitoris
Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
I am in the hospital with a broken wrist because a guy told me that if I punched him it "wouldn't hurt." it hurt. me. Thank you 11 jello shots.
The panties match.
I'll be right there.
She calls me Shortcake and bites my ear. Trust me, I'm FINE with bein the secret lesbian lover.
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
The compounded multi day delayed hangover hit me hard today, with a vengeance normally reserved for large objects that go in my ass. I don't feel good.
Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to pick up rum, beer, and cigarettes. Your holiday will self-destruct if you ignore this message.
I just got nudes while talking in the third person. Not sure if I Should be proud or ashamed.
I am never drinking with the goths again.
I feel awful. The bartender added me on Facebook and there's chips all over the bathroom floor
Should I be worried if two ants just crawled out of my purse?
Yes!
I just bartered a blowjob for the ex-fiancée's engagement ring. FTW!
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