I don't want to talk about it. He was like the Little Engine that couldn't get me off.
So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
I am SOOO high
tell me about your high
HUGE THUMBTACKS
i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"
I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
i had a threesome. one of the guys used to bully me in high school too for being gay.
I wish on days I started my period Chipotle would come to my house with a burrito bar ... Then give me a chocolate cake and a large beer.
I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?
I'm just gonna eat nachos and wine fruit forever.
Well I can't be held accountable to know every which time you slid a finger here or slid a finger there. I'm way too busy getting close to climaxing to document these things.
How early is too early to start drinking when studying for the bar?
He showed up on school grounds wearing nothing but a suit of armor. Really at this point I'm more impressed than angry.
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
He puked all over the side of the car and the head rest behind him...and then all he said was "America."
when I finally convinced you to get off the floor you looked at me wild-eyed and said "the carpet was a VAST EXPANSE OF SEA"
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