don't read that magazine bro. I came in it
maybe all of them together would equal one normal sized dick.
I cant. I'm trying to smell my vagina.
the line for where the wild things are looks like radiohead had sex with an urban outfitters
My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
I was getting sick from all the peanut butter I had to lick off
Stop bitching. YOU SHOULD FEEL BLESSED TO HAVE LICKED PEANUT BUTTER OFF OF THESE TOTTERS
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
He was dressed as a cowboy and he was dancing with my ex roommate. So I took his gun and pistol whipped him with it..then somehow we still slept together..
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
I fucked the midget version of a backstreet boy and I am not mad about it
Will u make me a "6 month anniversary of being single" cake??? I wanna celebrate
Randomize
