i hate sounding clingy, but i just wanted to verify i wasn't an asshole in your mind
So it turns out there are pros and cons to having a broken wrist. Pro: I can give amazing blowjobs with my left hand. Con: I just had to open a packet of crisps with scissors.
i love that you felt the need to clarify that you don't actually have drugs in your vagina.
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
I don't know if I have the sustained energy level for partying hard
Not a choice. You are mistaking my comments as options. My statements are facts. This is what is happening.
I'd bet your vomit would be flammable at this point. Can I try to light it?
We wouldn't be friends if you didn't.
just run out there and shit all over the driveway when he comes.. and then point at him
So aparently telling your roommate you're going to spoon them so hard in the public place of their employment is inappropriate
If my mom walks in on me masturbating one more time I'm moving out
You'd think the first few times would have been enough
Wait, just ask him if can you can join in. You haven't lived until you've taken part in a threesome with your father...or so I've heard
Amanda bynes is my spirit animal
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
My dream date: Hotdogs/nachos from the bar & tequila. Is that too much to ask?
whoa whoa whoa, you're saying I shouldn't post pics of you balls deep in a southern hottie?
How is it that on the one day I'm just moving my car at 6:30 I get the walk of shame looks but when I come home at 9 am in a torn dress holding heels old ladies smile at me?
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