first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
alright got my week's quota of sex in, ready for modern warfare 2
it's great music for shaving your balls
You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.
Your "OraGel will numb anything" theory was the worst thing I ever believed in.
I was crying hysterically and you wouldn't stop petting my ear and shushing me every time I tried to say something.
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
What's life without a lamp shade you wore home?
Look if you're not going to be mine and take care of my needs, I'm going to fuck your sisters.
The last thing I remember was you puking all over the inside of my door and him yelling "PUKING RALLY!!!"
Damn why is there no horse blowjob emoji?
Are you still going to come over for your post Alcoholics Anonymous beer?
So his roommate walked in on us, went upstairs to tell her bf she has found a new use for the rafters & they must try it.
I'm putting my hangover kit in my car for the trip to work tomorrow morning. Dedication
I feel like he doesn't realize we're offering him a threeway with sisters and I don't understand how that's possible.
Maybe we should bring mom next time.
Randomize
