How would you go about getting a hold of the country star that you slept with and are now potentially pregnant with their baby...?
myspace Music?
she keeps The Day After Pill in her bra... there is a God.
Captain Phil from deadliest catch died... im trying to think of a memorial fb status but "ill miss your crabs" doesnt sound right
Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
he said no sex till date three. i said the party was one, mcdonalds two and that i would take him with me to buy cigs for date three.
Weed smoke burps in the boss's face. Job security.
She only remembers me when she's drunk. It's like I'm a suppressed memory that only surfaces with alcohol.
With the amount of g's you put on going I'm gonna guess you're drinking alone again
Are you kidding me????? How bout, IM SORRY FOR CALLING YOU 16 TIMES AND LEAVING YOU A TWO MINUTE VOICEMAIL OF MYSELF THROWING UP.
As much as I trust your struggle imma deal with being Eskimo brothers with my own sister before I get to that
Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.
The guys who program Autocorrect have never seen a vagina in person
I'm not a whore anymore. I gave up 90% of my women for you. I'm a 4-5 woman kind of guy now.
Jeff brought me a cup of coffee to my desk. He's getting a blow job.
I woke up this morning to my panties draped around the neck of an empty bottle of bulleit. That is the perfect visual metaphor for my life at this juncture.
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