I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
Stop being a whore!!! Everyone can see!!!!
Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
Have you ever made a sandwich from swedish fish and tortilla chips?
There is NOTHING better than watching a child being chased by an ostrich.
this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card
Well for starters the people who just made my burger at the grab and go just told me to "hang in there"
Guess who has got hockey tickets for tonight? Only cost me road head going to and coming from the game
I dunno what he did but it both burns and feels amazing to pee
You'd think the dry cleaners next door would be less judgmental for as much business as my theme parties bring them.
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
My last 2 google image searches were 'a lot of pudding' followed by 'a generous portion of pudding'
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
I just took a service station dump so foul I had to buy gas out of guilt
After we had sex he went to the kitchen, came back with a bag of funyuns and ate them buck ass naked in his bedroom doorway. Had no idea how to react to that one.
Randomize
