nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
Ryan just walked out of his frat house with a case of beer, a 6 dollar bottle of vodka, and a pillow. He's good to go.
She gave me a rubber ducky to make me feel better while I was throwing up.
Woke up to the first three complete chapters of my new novel titled "If My Dick Could Talk" waiting for me on my laptop
for once, the $56 i am about to pay for plan b was actually worth the sex.
In less than 3 minutes we had 3 security guards running after us
Last comment. I know of no exercises, diets or practices out there to help keeping balls young and healthy. They simply succumb to gravity.
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
I feel as if the hash cupcakes on top of mushroom chocolates was a little excessive last night
Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?
She sleeps with her hand around my balls. First I thought it was just a comfort thing. Now I think it's to make sure I can't slip away in the middle of the night.
Yeah bunch of crazy shit... Makes you wonder how anyone found someone before tinder
oh you can't commit, don't have any real ambitions, and love to drink PBR? well.... sign me up!
FYI there's a girl here with happy daddy written on her tits
Randomize
