Have you ever straight up just taken a bite out of a block of cheese? Because it's amazing.
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
Currently bleeding through my leggings. Not good. Not good at all.
Hospital.
I am invincible.
The liquor store was handing out free shots of some new expensive vodka, but they caught on the fourth time we came back in different outfits. Politics.
Found my underwear in a solo cup. That about sums up this weekend.
I'm glad that even though we are states apart our whorish hearts beat as one
okay - we take $20 and buy each other some 'drink till we puke' clothes from the thrift store.
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded...
The dick pic bandit just sent me a poem about showering..
I'm actually kind of scared about the prospect of us living together. We're just going to eat pizza and drink wine before retiring to our rooms with vibrators
Nothing has ever been more true. Ever.
I'm owning this being a social human being thing tonight!
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
The kitchen also doubles as a screaming room after midnight as long as you have something to muffle the sound
He bent me in ways I couldn't imagine.. and im a gymnast.
Randomize
