when does round two start
I don't know, I gave up bartenders for lent
Don't be mad at me. I know peeing in your drawer is 1 thing and peeing on you while you're sleeping is another, but im sorry..i love you
Its only tuesday and I need a dd home from work. This is getting too easy.
i've learned that i'm good at stealing things. like live cats.
you were standing in two feet of water, screaming at people walking by to "call river rescue".
Some Russian dude just came up to us and I'm pretty sure he offered his girlfriend to have sex for 80 bucks. Whoever said porn movies were unrealistic.
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
Dude a gay guy just Sparta kicked this Samoan guy for calling him a flamer you need to get down here the free kamakazee shots haven't even started yet
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
Honestly and this might sound scary... But I want to get high and play with weapons
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
Ya can’t just go throwing accusations around about someone pooping their pants without some hard evidence
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
did he think i wouldnt notice the naked girl in the backseat
Randomize
